I'm seriously trying to get into the whole Christmas spirit and festive season thingy-ma-jiggy, but it just does not seem to be working. As I grow older, I'm simply more aware of the whole commercialization of the occasion that once used to have so much more meaning than it does now. Christmas has become a season where a person has to be wary of political on-goings with family and/or friends. They should put up a sign "Christmas; 'tis the season for politics and companies to make it rich".
What happened to the simple joy of giving, and presents need not be anything expensive nor generous? What ever happened to finding joy in the simple things in life, like having your friends and family around on such a glorious day such as the birth of Christ? Is the spirit of Christmas just fading away as each year passes, and all we care about are presents? Pity. A friend sent me this link, and i found it so hilariously cute. Check it out here.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not being the Grinch or anything here, something just seems to be missing this year. And it shouldn't be that way, considering I've got a new member in my family to celebrate this special occasion with. Her very first! Maybe things will change when I wake tomorrow morning, and maybe come dinner time I'd be jumping off the ceilings. (some wine might help make that happen)
Every year I spend christmas away from my friends, and with my family in Perth. This year is no different, but I guess after all these years, I would like the company of my friends instead. A change might be nice, next year maybe? I can't explain it, and I don't know why, I feel kinda sad this Christmas. I miss Val...my samsui. You're growing up and I'm missing everything! Be sure to leave a few for me ok? I can't wait to come home and do everything we could possibly do together!
I shall be jolly and leave a shout-out to all you peeps..
Merry Christmas everyone! Hope you guys have a blessed day in the companiance of your family and friends. And remember, Christmas is about the joy of GIVING. Share the love and spread the peace, and remember those out there less fortunate than us to be able to actually celebrate.
24 December 2005
23 December 2005
The last time I chilled in my backyard was with my friends - Erika, Mimmi, Martien and Andy. We had a nice quiet dinner, 2 boxes of goon and a whole lot of laughter playing drunko. It was a lovely night, a little sad it being our last night together, but nevertheless, lovely. I will never forget standing at my front door hugging my girls goodbye. Well, its never goodbye. Its always "see you later" and that's what it was. Going to my backyard now isn't the same when I'm alone, and who knows when the next time they'd be down in Perth.
God should make the World an easier place to travel, instead of having to fly 12 hours or more to get to Europe and America. Or faster airplanes that travel at the speed of sound! Oh, cheaper flights would be good too, thanks. Perth is a sad place to be when most of your friends have left, especially the ones you've grown so used to having around. But of course there are people who I'd remember but whose presence would never miss.
Went to get my haircut today, my stylist was a nice bloke who chatted quite a bit. Asked me questions about Singapore and I told him of its quirkiness. (Pity, i know i should not be dissing it) Seems most non-Asians simply have the same perspective of Asians, particularly Singaporeans. They get a look of surprise about how common speaking English is, they're shocked at our gum laws, and of course, every Australian now knows of the infamous (outrageously back-dated) death penalty we still carry out. Just like how almost every American knows of the Michael Kay case and our caning system. I suppose if you just try to overlook all that, its not really that bad a place, for tourists at least.
The dictionary defines Vision as being "A mental image produced by the imagination", and perspective as "a mental view or outlook", or "a point of view". Someone tell me, is there a difference? Is it possible to perceive something in one way, and have a vision of it in another? I believe Caucasians in general, have a certain perspective of Asians, as do we Asians, have a certain perspective of them. But do we have a vision of something? I'm caught in my own entanglement of words and thoughts. I've sidetracked from the original entry I wanted to write and now I don't know what it is.
I want to go home.
22 December 2005
I forgot how fun it was to be in Perth, and to think I almost dreaded coming back here. I'm glad I still have Annie and Collette, at least not everyone has left. Going out with them is good fun, although something does still feel like its missing. It's definitely weird not having Mimmi around, my Swedish party girl. I hate going past KV now, its so empty it's not even funny. It just ain't the same without my girls.
Went to the como pub with Annie, ooh we had a blast even though it was just the two of us. We rocked at pool (surprisingly) and ruled the table for 3 games! Had a bunch of guys on our side rooting for us, someone please tell me why they always have to be in their 30s?! Too bad my parents are down in Perth too, otherwise I'd have had a few good ol' beers with Annie and drank our night away. Can never party too much, ey? But of course there are always the dodgy dickheads who try (unsuccessfully) to pick us up and we have to switch tables. But otherwise, it's all good.
Someone explain to me PLEASE why it is soooo surprising that I'm Asian and speak good English? I'm so damn sick of getting the same question "Oh you're from Singapore? Then how come your English is so good?". Erm, because we speak....ENGLISH in Singapore? Jeez, get with the programme. We're not all dumb ya know? No offence intended. Is it so hard to comprehend and understand that English IS our national language? I agree, I've met some Asians who told converse too well in English, but that is also because of their family background and upbringing. I wish these stereotypes would just go away though. Colour and race is only skin deep, and it doesn't matter what it is. You can be Chinese or Caucasian and still be an idiot.
17 December 2005
Remember those primary school days where the true meaning of friendship was almost unknown, and little events could spark off petty arguments between a group/class?
When you wouldn't lend a friend a pen or give her something she asked for?
- "Eeyer! So selfish one...I don't friend you!"
And that little saga that was supposed to be only between the both of you spreads to other friends you play with through...
The days of early bitching.
- "I tell you ah...you don't friend her ok? If not I also don't friend you!"
And soon enough you go to school to find little people pointing at you when you walk past, and you have to lend that little bitch your favourite pen that you know you won't get back - to have friends again.
Does that not sound familiar at all to you? Our little childhood days, where we could drop friends to find better, more generous playmates. Yet many of us never stayed petty and all became friends again, especially when there was word going around that a party of some sort would be held, and invites were being sent out. I'm glad those weird petty days are over, and my friends and I can think and settle things more maturely instead of dropping each other in a heartbeat.
Yet, I'm pretty sure events similar to that still happen - childish, but in a more mature way. Makes sense? As adults, many things are more serious than they used to be, and a betrayal of trust can lead to grave things. You would think we'd be smarter by now, though that is not necessarily true. It is evident in both guys and girls, and supposed friends still spread word of what they were never meant to, creating tension between more than 2 people. And low and behold, the person who started it would never own up to his/her blunder and instead throw his/her morals out and be self-righteous about it.
Funny that. Didn't think such things could still happen and yet it does. People tend to like to butt into business that doesn't quite concern them, and they butt in the wrong way. I guess that's why they always say you only know who your true friends are when something bad happens. Don't ask me who they are, I'm just passing the word.
Does the value of great friendship accumulated over time mean nothing to anyone now? Is it so simple, as it were when we were kids, to "not friend" someone and at the same time, try to get everyone on your side? It simply amazes me...that such people still exist, that they never grew up from their Primary school days.
Me, I'm just glad to have the friends that I have, and that distance between me and them changes nothing except that it makes our bond tighter, closer and stronger. To all of you, salute. 
14 December 2005
Every year, the Sowers from the Novena Church organize Christmas performances for the lovely people of various old folk homes. They sing, they dance and they perform, regardless of whether any of it is understood or completely being watched. Nevertheless, they give whole-heartedly for one reason - the spirit of giving, the spirit of Christmas.
I was part of this once before, and this year I participated again. Twice in 2 weeks we performed in 8 homes. Not all the folks were aware of what was going on, but seeing the joy on their face to have so many visitors, to have a change of events in their day, to see the appreciation in their eyes is priceless. It is one of the best gifts of Christmas - to give to the best of your ability. In one particular home, The Salvation Army, the old folks put their hands in the air and prayed over all of us. It brought tears to my eyes 'cuz it was truly the sweetest thing.
The 2nd outing started out bad though, was at Zouk Out the night before and had hardly gotten any sleep. Pounding head the entire Saturday night, aching knees and shit was carried forward to the next day. You can imagine how grouchy I was. Thank goodness it cleared up and the day ended well. All in all, good job with the dance Val! So proud of you! Thank you for letting me join despite the short time frame we had to work with!
More photos of the 2nd performance, and some from Zouk Out! It was a blast cuz i made Val drink so much for the 1st time in her life, she puked twice! haha. Don't you love me Val? I'm such a bad influence yet you have no choice! But i'm sure we'll always remember Zouk Out. The pre-party at the hotel was more fun than the party itself!
.0.jpg)
09 December 2005
Days of bumming and slacking gone by, and now I'm heading back to Perth for Christmas in a few days. I've been completely unproductive for 3 weeks, continue with the same lifestyle for another 2 weeks before I come back to SG to try to find a job that pays exceptionally well. Anyone with lobang?? I seriously need the cash to save up for a trip to Europe next year, unfortunately mom and dad aren't THAT nice. Haha. I can only wish.
Came back and had to rush to learn dance steps for a Christmas performance for the Sowers. Had only 2 weeks to learn, and I kinda messed up last Sunday. I'm sure this Sunday will be better, although I'll be going the day after Zouk Out. Will be a zombie but Val and I will put our best foot forward I'm sure. Looking forward to the weekend, its gonna be a blast!
Here are some crazy pictures from the last Christmas performance!
24 November 2005
Back in hot and humid, tropical Singapore. I can't say for sure how glad I really am to be back, it sure feels a whole lot different after being down under for almost 6 months. The weather's the biggest killer, makes me lethargic to even get out of bed. But then again I have pratically nothing to do other than eat, sleep and have fun. I can't get over how much cheaper taxis are here, its pretty darn exciting. I'm trying not to gorge myself crazy with all the food i've missed, trying to take it slow. So far so good.
Went to O Bar yesterday with my girls, we sure had some crazy fun! Zhen and I weren't allowed to leave till we were drunk and i must say girls, you did a pretty darn good job at that. Zhen was a bloody waterfall last night, I was just plain wasted. But i'm not complaining, it really was all good fun. I hate Grass, she got hit on so many times last night and I can't believe i kissed her. haha. stupid things we do after not seeing each other for so long. Its really all in the name of fun anyway. Love you girls so much, I'm glad we're all back again! Val, you missed out, you better come the next time round.
I've really been missing my scandi and american girls. Its so weird without them, its so weird I have no one day to look forward to seeing them again. I guess i'll have to be patient and wait 8 months before we're together once again. I'm not looking forward to next semester one bit, its gonna be strange stepping in campus and not having those familiar faces. Here are some pics from our last night all together at the Waterford. I miss you guys. 
16 November 2005
1st semester at Uni over and done with! Went to Cairns and Sydney before my one and only paper and it totally rocked. There's everything about Australia to love no matter which state it is. Only complaint is that Cairns is as humid as Singapore, but with hotter sun. That is no fun at all. Sydney however, was way awesome. Finally shops that don't close at 5.30pm, 24 hour convenience stores at every corner, and best of all, STARBUCKS and KRIPSY KREMES. It was super unhealthy, but I had a large coffee everyday and bought a dozen donuts back. Yumm. Went down to the Great Barrier Reef and snorkelled with all the fishies in the sea. Touched big Wally. It was an experience never to be forgotten. Thanks Jen and Erika for asking me along. So glad I got to spend that week with the 2 of you before we all split up. Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure!
24 October 2005
The Australia Governor's house opened for a rare chance to the public yesterday. It was a beautiful place with a somewhat enchanting and huge garden. Vintage cars were lined up the main entrance, it was definitely a great experience I'm glad I didn't miss. Of course it looks nothing like a palace or anything of the sort, but at least I got a chance to see the place the governor lives and works in.
There were little hills (slopes) of grass everywhere and kids were rolling and running up and down it. Jen (you, american) said its helluva lot of fun and I mentioned I'd never rolled down one before. She, being the friend that she is, forced (kinda) me to roll down one. "That's what these hills are for! To roll down stupid!" Before I could vehemently disagree, she was all set on the grass. So I lay there like one of the kids and rolled down.
It was farking fun! I was laughing all the way down and I'm telling you, if you've never rolled down one before, GO FIND A HILL AND ROLL! Haha I sound insane I know, but like Jen says, "these are the things we adults have to do and laugh ourselves crazy". Always gotta keep the child in us alive eh?
The Australian life rocks when you have whacky American and European friends who don't mind doing silly things.
22 October 2005
Its unimaginable how miserably stingy people can be. I absolutely understand if every meal you have were bought on coins you had to dig from the bottom of someone's couch. BUT, how is it humanely possible to contribute a mere 2 fucking dollars for someone's birthday? I completely do not comprehend that, not when these people are drinking whisky, bourbon and coke during a chill-out session.
2 bucks gets me an hour at a car park. 2 bucks does not even get me a big packet of chips. At a vending machine I wouldn't even be able to buy a bottle of mineral water! And yet these people expect to come to a barbeque and have side dishes and drinks provided for them? I don't think so, you cheap-skate bastards.
I'd be appalled to find out my long time high school friend contributed that amount, or even an ex who's a good friend. Its insanely Selfish. Arranging and planning for these kinda things really shows you the true colours of the people we think are "friends". Its funny how those who hardly know the birthday girl want to contribute more. I'm just plain appalled and depressed by people. For crying out loud, its a birthday party and all we want is to have a good time without having to kill our bank accounts for the sake of your stomachs.
I'm just cheesed off. Tomorrow is Malou's birthday, us girls are going to have the time of our lives. We will eat and drink ourselves silly & make sure Malou has a blast.
Cheapskate bastards like Ferhad and Mikel can have one piece of lettuce and a tomato.
Cheers.
20 October 2005
18 October 2005
What is the root of your happiness?
I read a similar question on my bestie's blog, her answer was life, as ambiguous as that may sound. I certainly couldn't agree more. I hardly ever thought about that, to me happiness and life is what you make of it. Off the top of my head I would probably say that my friends and family is the base of my happiness, yet on second thought, they are the foundation of my life. It is with them that I go through the trials and tribulations of my life, and they are my pillar of strength and support in my times of turmoil.
We learn through each other's experiences, and in turn grow mentally and emotionally. We become stronger when we realize we have to be there for someone else whom may be weaker than us at a certain point in time, we see in us aspects we never thought existed. It is through going through the many ups and downs that we get to where we are today. I would definitely say that it was worth going through the worse times of my life, just because I'm so much stronger and mature than I would be without having them.
I've learnt a terrible lot and the hard truth about how cold the world can be. But you know what? It doesn't deter me but in fact pushes me to be better than people who ruin the purity of others. Till this day I don't understand how people can take joy in someone else's misery, to plan and scheme even when they know it would hurt another person in every sense of the word. If you don't like someone, why not just ignore him/her and lead your own life? Some people have nothing else better to do...really, we're all supposed to be grown-ups, not teeny boppers from high school.
I've met many people along the way in my 21 years of being in this world, a lot of whom have been great disappointments. I suppose the more important factor is that I've met great people who are still in my life till this day, and that beats meeting the "baddies" anytime. Many come and go and the wind never stops blowing me to different directions, but I will flow with the wind to whereever it takes me and make the best out of every situation.
I'm thankful to have gone through all that I have in my life, its made me who I am today. Those who have been there for me through my ups and downs, and those who tried to make my life miserable, I thank you nevertheless. Kudos to you all.
Shoutout to my Samsui Sister: Babe you are stronger than you could possibly imagine and I know these are hard times to go through now. I'm sorry I'm not there right now but I'm coming back as soon as I can. I'll do all I can to help and you know in your heart always where you can find me. I'm sure my nagging voice is always at the back of your head. I love you and I'm so glad you've found happiness in life once again. The Samsuis are back! You rock my socks babe.
29 September 2005
I can't be bothered with what people think about people who blog, I don't care about nasty comments under anonymity anymore. It doesn't matter. It's absolutely unimportant & people are bound to have opinions, just like I do. So that will be the last of all that...I've seen the stupity of it all, my stupidity. I have more important things to think about, better things to do.
Goodbyes are never easy, and I will forever detest them. It hurts when you never know when you'll see the person again, you may never. Bonds and connections between people can develop so easily even in a small amount of time. Relationships are built based on friendship, something that is mutually exclusive with each person and can never be replaced. They always say true friends are hard to find, I suppose some of them may be on the other side of the world is why.
Come November I would have the "honour" of sending all my friends off, unbeknown to all of us when the next time we meet will be. Two goodbyes down, too many more to go. The vicious cyle of making new friends will start again at the start of a new semester. Its too tiring, sometimes too superficial. Perhaps its better to stick to myself.
I hate goodbyes. They can be forever.
Cast your eyes upon these shadows,
The shadows of doubt and gloom.
Decapitate their presence into the open meadows,
And let the flowers of ecstasy bloom.
27 September 2005
No, I have not disappeared. Nothing exciting has happened lately, nothing in my mind that I'm dying to share. That's what happen when I'm on a break, my mind goes blank. I have, however, been all but silent. I've been contributing my words in another blog. Yes, stirring up shit where I might not belong.. I find it somewhat amusing though, and the original blogger doesn't seem to mind, so there.
I must say I only really stir up shit when I get anonymous comments, its so bloody annoying doncha think? In particular I'm referring to those who leave nasty comments under anonymity. Can someone kindly explain to me the point of that? If the person isn't afraid, then why remain anonymous and be nasty? I dunch understand!
"Anonymous" told me that blogs are there because "you wanted the attention, that's the entire reasoning of blogging. if not, just go write in a diary and burn it thereafter."
I absolutely disagree but I'm too tired to go think too much about it. I'd like to ask you what your reasons for blogging is? I know Sean a.k.a Van Helsing is an avid blogger too, so what's your reasons Sean? Just want some insight is all. Cuz i know for sure writing in a diary is much different from a blog. And who burns their diaries anyway? Retard. As it is I would be quite upset if my entire blog was wiped out.
To all other commenters, I really do appreciate hearing from you each time I have an entry. Nice to hear from you guys, and thank you for not remaining anonymous.
19 September 2005
...or what ever you may call it. Who would have thought online journals could cause the emergence of even more politics and the eruption of negative opinions from others, the creation of "Blogger Awards" and all other majigs out there to do with the blogging world. I see it merely as another form through which I can vent my thoughts out and perhaps share them with those who care. Not to gain any form of popularity, or to be part of an "in" thing so as to be seen as cool.
It also is a good way to meet people who share similar thoughts as you, have impressive writing styles, or to be connected to someone else in a somewhat personal way without having to meet that person. I've met some wonderful people and learnt quite a bit on the different sides of the human mind, different perspectives. Writing is more often more in-depth and personal, you almost feel like you know the person. Its quite a learning process.
Being down under, it keeps my friends updated on my lives and the friendship doesn't become so isolated. What I don't agree with however, is people coming into blogs and leaving negative comments, or violently disagreeing with what a person has written so much so it becomes a confrontation. True that there is hardly any privacy to an online journal, we are all vulnerable in that sense. Yet we are all allowed to express our opinions whichever way we choose without having to be critically discriminated against or worry about someone else's expectation of us. Some may say we are free to write, so they are free to comment.
But really, if you don't like it, DON'T READ IT. Simple as that. Unless there's some warped attraction from you to the blog of a person you dislike, I must say you're just a plain busybody who is interested in other people's lives for the mere sake of gossip and for the feel of authority against others. Pfft. All you know is sardonic indulgence in another's life, maybe because you don't have one of your own. And those who leave "anonymous" comments, hiding behind anonymity will get you no where. Get an identity....Get. A. Life.
There is no need for us "bloggers" to be taunted about what people may think of our thoughts and opinions, we are all entitled to it. (except when its racist remarks that get you thrown into jail, then you might want to think twice about commenting)
The End.
17 September 2005
Funny how I write an almost and somewhat intellectual blog entry & I received more comments than ever. I guess that proves a point - intellectuality attracts. Haha. My own warped perception, but I'm sorry, my brain isn't powerful enough to constantly write such in-depth "articles". I may be an aspiring journalist, but the mind gets too knackered once in a while.
Reading the comments made me realize people actually do have questions settled somewhere in the back of their minds, the only problem is, they don't voice it out. Either by pure laziness or living by the statement "ignorance is bliss". I don't know how they get by. It cheeses me off that people have no opinions of their own, they take a stand on the side everyone is on...in other words, thoughts and opinions merge together and flow as one. That is the way society works, it is the mold in which we all conform to, to become "us" - society.
We are not what creates the boundaries and characteristics of society, society is what creates us and in turn decides what we can or cannot do, what is right and/or wrong. Agreed or disagreed?
I'm trying hard not to turn this into some sort of a political debate, its a direction that I would want to deter from. It's complicated and its not my thing.
How many of us when in school were encouraged to raise our hands to ask questions out of the ordinary? How many of us saw our teachers fumbling for the (politically) correct answers when we did? How many of us actually thought of such questions and truly sought an answer? I for one knew that keeping quiet was somehow the better solution. Solution to what I am not sure, but I just felt that was what was expected. Quite sure i wasn't the only one.
The point to this is - we're not taught to speak up for what we believe in, neither encouraged nor discouraged. But have an opinion that differs so greatly from the majority makes you stick out like a sore thumb, so you'd have to choose to go with the flow, or pay the price. Freedom of speech is but a mere facade that fades away as you approach its reality. There is no such thing as freedom of speech. And in this technology era we live in, privacy hardly exists. We're constantly being watched. But that is another story for another time...
14 September 2005
How and why - have you ever asked those two questions to certain things unexplainable by pure science, or are you like every other person who lives satisfactorily with the explanation given by others? Its a wonder how as kids we ask questions to things that may seem so simple now, like why the sky is blue, why a dog barks and cat meows, or how babies come about. As adults we tend to get slightly annoyed when such questions are constantly asked when the answers seem so obvious. We stop asking these questions as we grow older and learn to adapt and accept. Why is that?
Children see things in a different light, and every thing presented to them is new & unknown. Shouldn't we always ask questions to even the obvious, seek different answers, because nothing is ever definite. Science proves certain things, but is there more to the answers than science can offer us?
Many leave their doubts to the reasoning of things being God's great creations, yet the one question on my mind remains - if God created us and all other beings, then who created God? The only answer i can think of is that he always existed. But something can't possibly come out of nothing. Now don't get me wrong, I am not questioning religious beliefs or anything of the sort, I am simply unsatisfied with the answers provided to us and to simply live with it. There is more to life and its meaning. We all have a purpose, yet how will we ever know what that is?
Fate - what is it and to what extent do you leave your life to it? I believe perhaps some fate or luck, as some may call it, plays a part in our lives. But then again, fate is what we make of it, or rather, our lives are. Our actions and decisions determine our fate, of course many other factors contribute too.
Is there life after death? Do souls really exist, is there really an immortal soul? Who knows what lies within heaven and hell, or if reincarnation truly exists? How many Gods are there or is there only one of whom we are all created by? Is what we see before us through the human eye all that it is - a television, a computer, a flower or a fruit? How does it come about and what is beyond its creation? Is its purpose merely for watching shows, for consumption and the like? Think about it.
So my question to you is, do you simply live your life as is, accept that we are born to live for the purpose of survival till death, feel that survival is of utmost importance, so much so that there isn't a need to think about what is beyond us? Are you still as child who always asks questions, or have you become a grown up who has learnt to adapt to the world and its surroundings?
11 September 2005
The sun was finally out today, we finally see the few signs of Spring that is a few days late. Still pretty much feels like winter, we're all hoping the weather is changing for the better. We "Culture girls" went to watch a play yesterday, totally hilarious although most of the jokes were British humour. Made me feel dumb when everyone was laughing and I wasn't. Went to the Hip-E Club after that, free entrance and got a VIP chop to get in. It was good until we kinda figured out it was a gay bar, or bisexual, whatever you wanna call it.
There were guys standing around us (5 girls) looking at us, but funnily not hitting on us. That kinda let us in on the place we were in, dykes and all. Its quite depressing when we saw a really hot guy who turns out to be gay. Damn. Ok i know i sound a lil ditsy and bimbotic right now, bare with me. Woke up early to go get groceries for Sunday Brunch, quite a big hit. All the food was wiped out, and Ramone the birthday boy was very appreciative. -phew- Hit the beach after and now its time for studies. damn. gotta get into the mood. Its not coming anytime soon.
A friend ask me a question that really hit me hard, "Is it better to know or is it better not to know?" When you feel like life suddenly has no meaning, and you know when your time is up, would you rather know? The heart-wrenching details could eat you from inside, yet its too difficult to live in obliviance. Would you spend whatever time you have left enjoying your life, or wallowing in self-pity? Its a hard question, and its showed me how blessed I am to have the life i'm leading.
All my problems suddenly seem so minute compared to the people I've met. My parents pay for my school fees, I live rent free, give me allowance...life is a breeze other than having to study my ass off. I guess most of us from Singapore actually have it pretty good. We're sheltered, we're protected and provided for. Most of us at least. Shouldn't we just be content and count our blessings, rather than blame in home human nature that we're never completely satisfied?
04 September 2005
Khai & Drey made their way back to Singapore today, an almost tearful departure. It was hard to keep my tears back and say goodbye once again to my dear friends. This week passed so quickly, faster than I wished. It was good having them around, a blessing to have my friends spend time with me. They saw my life here, met my family, and chilled with my friends. The Aussie Life. I miss them already.
To you both, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming here for me to spend my 21st birthday. Its the best birthday present you could ever give me, your presence warmth my soul. It wouldn't have been the same without your company & I am so grateful you took all that effort to be here. I do hope the trip was eventful for you. The memories of that one week will always be imprinted in my mind, photographs that are picture perfect. I'm so glad you got a chance to see my life here and share it with me. I miss you already even though you've left for 4 hours. Thank you sweeties.. Love ya always.
Its been quite an awesome week, however tiring and time consuming. Now the week's coming to an end, its back to the books for me. School's starting to shift into 4th gear, presentations coming up and deadlines to meet. I definitely look forward to greeting October with a big smile, more Singaporean company I'd love to have. Could the time not pass any slower..
A bit nostalgic right now, emotional even. Goodbyes are never sweet, no matter how short the period. A friend once told me when I mentioned how I hate goodbyes and his reply was "Then we won't say goodbye". I suppose goodbyes aren't forever cuz memories always remain. It sounds easier to cope with than it really is. Come this November I would have to say goodbye to more people who have entered my life and heart. I guess that comes with the package of moving to another country, and living in different ones.
Meeting people from different walks of life, different cultures yet connected by one same thing. There is no discrimination, we are all the equal. Humans who view each other as just that - human. Where race is no issue, nor age or background. Its hard to find people who accept you purely for who you are, and i have had the honour of meeting more than one.
I'll go where the wind takes me and let the ship sail.
Carpe Diem - Seize the Day.
02 September 2005
Picture Perfect
Scotty & Me
before party
Uncle John, Christian & Aunty Trish
Family is Forever
Just a few shots from my birthday, there's a lot more but i guess i can't put them all up. I had a blast, friends got me pissed drunk & i puked my lagsagne out. I shall spare you the details. It really was one of the best birthdays yet. Haven't celebrated with my sister in such a long time, first time with the Marstons. It was quite the international party - Mimmi (Sweden), Malou (Denmark), Jennifer (American), Christian (Italian), and not forgetting the Aussies with a touch of Thai, Malay and Chinese. Absolutely brilliant. A party never to be forgotten.
I am now 21. I can now do the legal things even more legally.
30 August 2005
A sunny day down at Swan Valley, with none other than my 2 lovelies & family. Sun shone brightly for the joyous celebration of Uncle John's birthday. As you can see from the pictures, it sure as hell was a happy day. Look at my chubby little niece, makes me just wanna squish her. She's definitely well-fed on mommy's milk. Grew so much in 6 weeks.
Lazy to type today, although i'm hyper-active from 2 double shot flat whites.
Seek Not My Heart
by Kit McCallum
Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies,
Do not you hear my heartfelt cries?
Below the branches, here about,
Do not you sense my fear and doubt?
Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams,
Do not you hear my woeful screams?
Upon the meadows, touched with dew,
Do not you see my hearts a'skew?
Beneath the thousand twinkling stars,
Do not you feel my jagged scars?
Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze,
For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees.
It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies,
Accompanied by heartfelt sighs.
It's drifting o're the gentle rain,
A symbol of my silent pain.
It's buried 'neath the meadow fair,
Conjoined with all the sorrow there.
It's lost among the stars this night,
Too far to ease my quiet fright.
No gentle winds, seek not my heart,
For simply ... it has torn apart.
28 August 2005
Current Addiction: Double shot flat whites. Double shot lattes. Double shot addiction.
Current Expression: Zombiefied
Current State of Mind: One of those fat & lazy days. "I feel fat."
Current Action: A fart & a burp & a finger up the nose paints a pretty picture doncha say?
Current Self-Humour Moment: Laughing at a grown guy walking around with a toy gun.
Current Wish: Wake me up when September ends.
Current Thought:
Humans evolve in different ways & are continuosly influenced by their peers and surroundings. Some fit in, some stand out, and some are just plain weird. Can't say exactly which category I fall under, who is able to define what's weird & what's not. We're all a lil complicated up there, which makes us all unique, eclectic, and even eccentric in our own ways.
Current Quirks: ok i liked the title but i can't fill it in. mind went blank on this.
Current pet peeve: Bad spelling in a really good piece of writing.
Current To-do-list: Buy those pair of boots i saw at shoe outlet that's going for 30 buckaroos.
Enough about current. I don't even know where that came from. I only wanted to mention my current addiction and it multiplied from there. Next up - let's talk about sex. haha. Either you're sitting up in your chair or you're squirming about in it. In whatever context, you decide.
Its not a big deal anymore, not in today's society at least. You're either having it or you're not, you either love it or you don't. No two ways to it. Well, of course unless you're so down on your luck you can't score, or you're simply just not getting some. Whatever. Who cares. Obviously my friends do, there's not one time I'm with them I don't hear something about it. Coming from Singapore, its not exactly under the "hot topic" list. Amongst many its still quite a hush-hush, under the table taboo talk kinda thing.
This is where the under 16s can stop reading. Haha. Bullshit. Some of them could jolly well be more well-informed than I am. I'm not sure if any of you have watched the show "Thirteen", but its a freaky awakening to the reality of teens nowadays & how sex is a normal part of their lives. Kisses are more sacred than blowjobs/handjobs, sex comes before you hold a person's hand. Sex is no longer about the love and passion shared between 2 people, sex has becomes a thing that's almost as normal as going shopping at the mall.
Call me conventional, but the sequence in which I believe (true) relationships should develop between 2 people is as such: consecutive phone calls/text messages, a coupla dates, hand holding, kissing, then the heavy stuff follows. In that order, 1st to 4th base. Although the development of technology has almost led to the inexistence of long phone calls 'cuz wusses can just type things out without seeing or hearing the person. Technology wipes out passion, yet ironically it backs it up. We're now able to consecutively contact people no matter how far apart we are.
My conclusion, which i'm sure many have heard before - technology and men go hand in hand, you can't live with them, but you can't live without it.
Guilty as charged. (again)
26 August 2005
I was sitting in the city, chilling to a good cuppa flat white, silently observing my surroundings. It was nice, peaceful and relaxing, other than the occasional pigeon landing on my table trying to peck at my delish bagel.
To my right were two teenage boys, probably around 14-15 years of age. I was quite taken aback by their conversation. One of them was smoking, definitely under the legal age. They were talking about booze, alcohol and parties. Hitting on girls (they weren't lookers) and stuff like that. And from their accent, most likely Indos. I'm surprised, although i know i shouldn't be in this day and age. But its quite scary, wouldn't want my kids to be partying with booze & smokes at that age.
I turned to my left and saw another buncha teens, on average I would say 14-15 years of age as well. All smoking. There was one in particular that caught my attention, i was quite sure that she looked like she was only 12 or so. She has youth & underaged printed all over her, yet there she was smoking and hugging this guy who looked like he was 18. *shudders* what are kids coming to?
I don't assume it was any better during my time, but I guess its a lot more common now than it was back then. Its freaky how the younger generation are developing, ever so eager to be older than they are. I suppose we really only treasure our youth once we lose it. From then, there's no turning back.
But why is it that kids simply want to grow up so fast? 14 year olds dressing to look like they're 21, taking up smoking and drinking like that supposedly makes them look "grown up" and mature. The only thing it makes them look is tacky. What ever happened to being merely a kid and enjoying the simplicity of life that comes with it? Has the child-like innocence and endearing qualities been lost?
I understand that times change and generations never remain the same, but the change is oddly disturbing and no one seems to give two hoots about it. I read an article in The Western Australia that in the next 10 years, smoking will be almost completely non-existent. Where are these people getting their information from? I see more people smoking, not quitting. So what's the deal with that?
Its not just about trying something for the fun of it anymore. Neither is it "just a passing phase". Its a "requirement" in teens, a normality to grow up with. Peer pressure could just be an excuse. Correct me if i'm wrong.
I just fear for the future generations. The next thing we know, marijuanna, esctasy & all sorts of drugs will be widely consumed and used, and become a normality of life. I'm quite then, that all of us will close one eye to and swallow the strange developement of our younger generations.
25 August 2005
Wednesday nights at The Waterford again. Actually called Bookers Bar, wonder why its called The Waterford since that's the name of the suburb I live in.
Karaoke cum Bar cum Disco. Whatever you wanna call it, not exactly the hippest place to be, but all us Uni students go there just for the sake of it. Its not that bad i guess, get a good chance to mingle and know more poeple from school. Sad thing is the bad singing gets so loud, you barely remember the names of the people you meet cuz its inaudible.
Didn't drive last night, my girls wanted to see me wasted. Too bad for them i wasn't, well not exactly. Spent most of my time standing around talking to *ahem* Andy and Nick. hehe. Couldn't move around much cuz Christina was so drunk she stomped on my fractured toe when Miguel pushed her. Ugh. She didn't even realize it, i seriously thought i was gonna black out again. Mimmi just topped my glass up with more beer so i could "focus". haha. it worked.
I apologize for my last entry, it was extremely unlike me. Some guessed it was about a boy. heh. go figure. -wink- I'm not saying anymore on that. But i guess a good night's sleep, along with a good ol' fashioned chat about it helped tremendously. For now, its over...i certainly hope so.
To "you", thanks for being such a sweetheart & understanding all I shared. Its incredible to me how big your heart really is & i couldn't possibly ask for any more. I apologize for the way things affected me, but i guess in time i'll learn to deal well with it.
23 August 2005
I don't know how come. I'm in the oddest mood. What's new right? Its a mix of feeling happy and sad at the same time, and the combination is just overwhelming. Takes the air outta me, and all I wanna do is sit and stare at "it" and read it over and over again. I don't know why i get like this every time, maybe I should have just settled with good enough. Can't a girl want more than she can get?
I won't reveal what "it" is, its just eating me from the inside. Even as I sit here the words fail to come from my mind to my hands. I wanna scream out loud and get it out of my system, but at the same time all I'm presented with is silence. I wish, I wish, I wish...don't we all.
My friends would say I should just kick myself in the butt and get over it. Believe me I've tried, now i've proven how miserably i've failed. Dammit, I sound like i'm getting all depressive again just like my entries in my last blog. I swore that when I started this new one I'd stop all that. Guess some things never do change, no matter how hard you try. Maybe its the way my blog name links to it that sorta connects it for an indefinite period of time. I apologize, I've been talking to myself.
Have you ever thought about something so much it makes you numb, tears and laughter are the furthest things away from you even though its there right at the very tip? I wanna laugh cuz its so cynically ironic and stupid, I wanna cry cuz the very thought of it pains me.
"Things always happen for a reason."
Fuck that. Pfft. Who gives a shit about reason anymore.
22 August 2005
I haven't gotten another comment from the anonymous idiot, so i'm guessing i'm not going to get one. People who read part 1 laughed at the entry, others told me to be nice. But i was nice! I tried real hard to be intellectual (as limited as my mind would let me), and at least i didn't call that person a bitch right? Who cares? Its comments like that that give me something to laugh and write about. How fun!
But I'll take the (Van's) advice and be nice. Unless I hear from that so called blogger again, this will be the end of the "Anonymous Idiot". Hope you guys had as good a laugh as I did.
Brain cells have almost completely depleted today, this entry will be kept short, simple and boring. (like the black crumpler bag. heh) Sorry, inside joke. Next week is break week! Woo hoo! My darlings from Singapore are coming over to visit me and celebrate my 21st, along with my loud Scandi darlings. Its gonna be WILD and so much fun. Val, quick wrap yourself up in decorative paper and send yourself over as my birthday present!
I'm a little hyperish from a double shot flat white i had earlier on, so don't mind me please. My fingers are typing faster than my mind thinks. I is a little wonky now. Gotta go type out my newspaper article that's due on wednesday now. Toodaloos!
21 August 2005
I normally like to leave my posts to settle for a day or two before I write another one, hopefully getting comments from those who pop in. But today I simply have to add another one or I'd burst from anxiety to get it out in the open & let all you wonderful people in on it.
Ever since I started blogging 2-3 years ago, I've received all sorts of comments & reviews of the things I've written. Of course not all are good, but this by far, has got to be the funniest of the lot.
At 12.04am, a user by the name of "Australia" posted this:
"dont try to be aussie. U AINT IT"
First of all, "Australia", you might want to learn how to use some punctuations in your sentences, otheriwse gee, everyone might just have a hard time comprehending your blatant sarcasm. Secondly, don't be a pussy and create some fake blog under the name of "z" just so you could remain anonymously you (read title). Which lameass does that. Oh wait, that's you. Oops, my bad. You obviously don't have what it takes to make a comment directly to a person and take responsibility for it. Yes, I dare you to.
So what if I want to be Australian, what's it to you? How do you know i'm not? Oh did you do some background check on my nationality before you found my blog, read my entries and left a comment? My, I'm touched at how much you would go through just to tell me not to "try to be aussie". If going to footy games (and supporting a team), and chilling with my ladies at hot spots makes me an Aussie, then hey, we've got shitloads of Aussies around who "AINT IT".
"Australia" must have created his/her blog simply to comment on mine that i "AINT" aussie, cuz the blog was just created in the month of August. Its my assumption & I could be wrong & sound really thick skinned that someone could "like" me enough to do that. That would be cool though. At least my counter's getting some hits! Heh. Thanks "Australia".
Let's make it official though. I invite those who read my blog to come in and leave comments, positive or negative. I'd like to read what you'd have to say to me. But please, please! Don't be a pussy like "Australia" and choose to remain anonymous. I'm not going to hunt you down if I know your identity, nor be a bitch about it & leave nasty comments. I just wanna know who you are. Simple as that. I'll be nice, I don't bite.
I end off with this a comment to "Australia" - leave your name and identity the next time you comment. I dare you to.
20 August 2005
Fremantle Dockers vs Saint Kildas. Dockers won!
My first live footy match - it rocked my socks!! The atmosphere was awesome and magnificent, just being there gave me a great adrenalin rush. 38,000 people attented the match, all chanting and rooting for their team. Freo being the home team obviously had more supporters. The match was exciting at the start and especially the end, last min 5 point win over Kildas. Fantastic! Dockers did fabulously well.
My girls and I went hunting for good spots down at Subiaco after the game. The queues started so early it was a pain in the ass to stand and wait. They're really strict with ID checks too. Found a few good places, I was good this time & didn't drink. Drove the girls home safe and sound. Although we did get lost for half an hour, we had a pretty good time overall. Next time though, no more driving! I also wanna drink & go loony.
18 August 2005
I was bad yesterday & drank way over the limit despite knowing I had to drive home. My logic was that home was merely down the street, a short 3 minute drive away. That to me meant I could rest for a couple of hours to sober up & make my way home. My darlings were so sweet to over me their beds while they slept on the dingy couch. My parents would not have let up about it if I did, so I had to do the responsible (not quite) thing and head home. My eyes were bloodshot & dad woke up to find me. I had to avert my eyes so he wouldn't see how wasted I was. Close call.
The influence of alcohol is quite strange, to the point it can bring out sides of people that you'd only see after they've had tonnes of alcohol in the body system. They become totally different people that seems almost quite freaky if you think about it. A quite and reserved person becomes the centre of attraction, guys have more guts to flirt and pick girls up, non-smokers become smokers, the list just goes on.
It almost amazes me because I always know what I'm doing no matter how tipsy I am. I admit if you so much as push me with the tip of your finger I'd be totally unstable, but I'm still very much conscious of my surroundings and actions. I seriously wonder what it would be like to lose myself after a large consumption of alcohol (without the horrible feeling). To transform into someone else, let my alter ego loose perhaps?
The worrying thing though, is for girls who stumble all over the place, fall on glasses and break them, and unknowingly head home with some guy and wake up not remembering what took place the night before. Worse still is if you add drugs to it.
Unshakable thoughts that persist in my mind, on the people under the influence of alcohol. Is it really worth it?
15 August 2005
Men. Pfft. Enough said.
Just playing. But yes, men schmen. -softly grumbles some profanities- Why can't the "oh-so-smart gender" ever admit their mistakes when it is so blatantly obvious they're wrong? Be it an opinion, an action, or a piece of advice, they simply will not admit to being wrong even if you shove it up their ass, cuz their egos are just too much in the way.
Take for example my dad. I was trying to open a can which I had much trouble doing so because the can-opener was faulty. Dad came by so i told him we needed a new one and what does he do? He points out to me that i've been using it incorrectly (on-top instead of against the side of the can). I'm not sure if you all know this, but there are different kinds of openers that open slice your can in different ways. I tell him the way its supposed to be used but him being the "king of the house" insists on doing it his way and goes on by "helping" me open it.
With his help, my can ended up being (MCQ here):
(a) sort of unopened as it was at my attempt
(b) openings all round the top of the can but none feasible to get the food out
(c) in such a bad state we almost had to chuck it
(d) all of the above
Duh. Of course its D. I'd never seen a can in a worse state. Can't even be compared to one if i dropped it on the ground. Geez. Even with his mistake being so apparent, he continued to insist that the can-opener was to be used the way he did & all he did wrong was hold it at the wrong angle. Bull crap. He practically sliced 1/6 of the top of the can.
It of course, is not the first time something like that has happened. His mistakes can be as obvious as a cow jumping over the moon & it won't make a difference. Why! Why can't guys just admit they're lost, they need help with directions, they've got it wrong, ever?!
Men. Schmen. Geez.
An e-bay whore that is. I swear I'm hooked on that bloody auction thingy-majiggy, and once I start, I just can't stop! (kinda like pringles ey?) Even if i can't think of anything I could possibly want to buy, somehow i'd miraculously find something and end up bidding for it. If i'm lucky enough & wake up in time to realize i shouldn't be buying it, i'd be outbid. So far so good, thank god.
Will somebody please help me get off this addiction? But don't take away my card or i'll bite. -flashes an angelic smile-
However, to argue my point, you really can get stuff for much cheaper prices on e-bay if you're just patient enough to hunt for it. I've got some really good buys so far. It gets a lil tiring keeping watch on your bid though. There're people just lurking in the shadows, waiting to snap your item up at the very last minute, and there's just nothing you can do about it. Bitch.
ok, i'm going back to whoring & keeping an eye on my bid. -flashes another angelic smile-
12 August 2005
You bloggers have been of no help in giving me suggestions for birthday presents. Tsk. (ok i'm kidding) But i've decided to ask my mom for a electric guitar & amp which she will hopefully get for me. Since my sis got a guitar for her 21st, I don't see why i can't get a guitar since its soooo much cheaper than a piano. Dad's against it though. Dang!
It occured to me that us humans are never easily satisfied. After being given something, materialistic or not, we tend to seek/ask for more. Be it in friendships or relationships, it is a constant characteristic in every single one of us. Why is that? Is it that impossible to be truly satisfied with what has already been given and not ask for more? Given that perhaps most times we don't verbally ask for it, but it is there and we all know it exists - the want/need for more.
For example, we see a trait in someone close that makes us unhappy and/or uncomfortable, decide after much deliberation that for the best of everyone, we ought to tell that person to "change". He/she sees your point of view, does his/her best to change & everyone is glad with it. Somehow that change may not be good enough or some other distasteful characteristic becomes prominent, and it becomes a vicious cycle. Just because the person agreed once, we'd expect the person to agree once more, or multiple times after that.
Am i making sense? It applies to materlistic things too. Shall not define it, you figure it out.
It just makes me wonder, why we all can't just be happy with the simple things in life, rather than demand it to be given on a silver platter.
*guilty as charged*
09 August 2005
My posts have become stagnant and boring. Haven't had the motivation to really sit in front of the computer & start typing some serious thoughts down. So after a good cup of coffee, here I am, trying to squeeze out whatever's in that lil head of mind. Perhaps some brain juice will leak out.
Tuesdays are "weird tutors" day for me. Had a tute today with this Chinese guy who's probably about 27 or 28, which seemed a bit young to me to be tutoring at a Uni, but seems he's quite well-established. The funny thing is, he has a Brit accent, speaking like a pom with the Queen's English, but he's never been to the UK. He's from Malaysia, lived in Singapore and back and now here. So where's the thick accent coming from? Sometimes he even sounds Irish. The lad is queer! (in all senses of the word)
And that just gives y'all a hint of my life here, queer but exciting (?).
My sister has been bugging me on what i want for my b'day. Seems the culture here in buying someone a present is to ask/tell them what you want. I don't know! I've never told someone what I've wanted before, and i can't think of a single thing I could possibly want. With the exception of a Mini Cooper of course. But they sure as hell aren't buying me that.
So my question to all of you is, if given a choice, what would you want for a 21st b'day present, or any b'day for that matter? Taking in mind though, that my sister just had a kid so it wouldn't be nice to ask for something too extravagant. A lil help people?
07 August 2005
First week down, plenty more to go. Its been a fun-filled (sorta) week, better than the previous weeks I've been here of course.
Went to some guy's 21st "pre-party" at the hostel clubhouse, everyone's bopping to lame-ass music and getting jiggy with one another. (yes, guys on guys too) I had to be a good girl & limit my drinks cuz i was driving & the cops are a bitch on booze busts. Worse still when i look pissed drunk & my face is bright red after just one glass of wine, but i'm sober as can be. Dilated eyes and all that shit. Hate that.
So far I've met only one Singaporean girl & just so happens she was from the same secondary school as me. How small is this world man.
Anyhows I'm off to hang out with my scandinavian friends now.. First day all week the sun's been out so nice and bright. Cheerios!
02 August 2005
School's started, we're moving into day 3 tomorrow. Not quite sure to expect at each class - the lecturers, the students, the atmosphere, just about everything adds up. I would say so far so good, everything's been pretty pleasant. But then again, isn't the first week always? Lectures are all only intros, assignments don't start pouring in till the 2nd or 3rd week, by which you would have figured who in the class you simply cannot stand.
Its pretty daunting taking on units I have no clue about...coming from a business background and all, but we all gotta start somewhere eh? The units I'm taking seem pretty interesting though, we even get to watch a film every week at a particular unit. How cool is that.
I shall not comment much about the people, I hardly know them. There are some who are really quite friendly, and those who always have comments/opinions in class. Most of the talk is about stuff in Australia that I probably don't know about, just gotta sit there and look knowledgable. heh. At least no one's asking me if Singapore's part of China. Its quite odd though that people are shocked at my capabilities of speaking English smoothly, like I'm supposed to sound all chinky or something. Its quite humourous really.
So I wanted to be a loner in school & not have to go through all the wish-wash making friends nonsense, but I decided its too damn hard. Can't possibly sit in class not knowing a damn person, or keeping to myself all the time. Can't resist at least giving the person next to me a smile of acknowledgement.
I've got tonnes of reading to do now.. 3 cheers to that.
31 July 2005
28 July 2005
As the days pass, the countdown to my birthday slowly begings. The big 21, the first step into adulthood and the real world. Friends who have already pass the two-one all say the same thing, "Its all downhill from there. Your life just zooms pass you from then on, and there's no turning back." I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but I'm trying to make my interpretation a good one & hopefully remain positive about the whole thing. But is there really that big of a deal on turning 21?
Okay, so you are legally considered an adult, and in the States it means being legal to alcohol consumption. But I'm not American. I did the whole "Clubbing, Smoking (ok maybe not smoking) and Driving" scene 3 years ago. Other than being able to legally sign documents without your parents' consent, and being seen as an "adult" in the public eye, is there really much of a difference when you cross the line from being 20 to 21?
I simply feel that its been a long time coming, and the life's journey is taking on a different route, more scenic perhaps, on top of that - added with a whole lotta junk too. Exciting - maybe. Over the years I've gained more knowledge and strength as compared to when I was a teeny bopper, but I don't feel any different now than before. Are you supposed to feel some sort of a tingle the moment the clock strikes 12? I'll probably have to get myself ready at 11.57 to give myself a 3 minute headstart/preparation. Eh?
Everyone's been asking me what I'd want for my birthday. Apparently turning 21 entitles you to being able to request for more expensive gifts. Either that, or the numbers 2 and 1 put together in that sequence seems to entice people into being comfortable with letting go with a bit more money than normal occasions. Would it be too much for me to request for a Lambourghini?
Somehow I think turning 21 is just slightly overrated and thrown out of proportion. I don't want expensive gifts, I don't want lavish materialistic items. I don't want anything other than the presence of all my dear friends and family, all rounded up together for a good meal that satisfies everyones stomachs and tastebuds. Unfortunately for me, I know that it is one gift I'd request for that I couldn't receive.
To my other friends also turning 21 later in the year, I apologize for not being able to be there to celebrate your special occasion with you. You're all in my heart no matter how far apart we are & that's what matters. I miss you all so dearly.
27 July 2005
I've been blogging for quite a bit now, and over the months more and more people pop into my blog to read what goes on in my mundane life, or view whatever opinion I may have on things that may have very little significance. On average I would say that I have 5-10 people coming in daily to check my blog out. Of course, I only know of 3-4 of those who do come in. I'm not sure where they come from, but the other 6 or 7 might have gotten the address from Friendster or off someone else's blog.
"You" who is reading my blog, may very well be my friend, a friend's friend, a stranger, or even someone who detests the sight of me but still has enough bitchy curiousity to want to find out what's in my mind. I find the latter very amusing.
Its funny how someone may dislike me to the point of saying "Oh! I can't stand the sight of her!" and yet want to know what's going on in my life. Okay, so I get that its just so they can get "insider news" to bitch and gossip about me, but still. Have you ever heard of getting a life? Hah! Listen to me, going on as if I'm that popular - in that sense of course. Did I ever mention I can be slightly delusional?
So, who's to say what one can write and cannot write on their personal blog? As private as it may seem, on the contrary, it is also very much public. I say, screw those people who read your blog and judge you, cuz your blog is for you to write what you want, when you want. Who gives a shit what other people say? Only true friends are entitled to opinions about you, and only theirs matter, not anyone elses.
To those who are afraid of judgement, or blog just to be "popular", I'd say the blogging scene isn't for you. And those who read blogs so they can snitch - get a life.
What's your take on this, fellow bloggers? (okay, non-bloggers too)
25 July 2005
I've been settled here in Perth for slightly more than a month now, & everyday for that past month I've spent more time with them than I probably have in the first half of the year. Its quite freaky considering that when I was in Singapore, I could probably see them for 5 mins or less, most days in the week. Some may think I'm weird, or not family-oriented enough, or just plain unfillial, but a month is just too much for me.
On top of that, we went for a month long holiday in Europe before we came, sharing rooms during the entire period. Parents overload I tell you! It's really starting to kick in that I don't quite have a life down here, friends are almost non-existent. Its quite sad really.
But anyway, my point is after seeing that much of my parents, I have noticed a few more quirks about them (my god, as if there wasn't enough) that won't seem to go away! For one, my dad has a habit of never answering a question with a straight answer, yet expects me to understand.
Me: Dad, where did you put the batteries?
Dad: In the where la.
Me: Huh? Where?
Dad: The there la. You know.. there la.
Me: What there?!
Dad: Alamak, use your brain la! There la!
Of course, I'm supposed to know where "there" is when he's pointing to a spot of dirt on the floor. This also applies to places we want to go to for meals, like you know, "the where", and people we meet, like "the who". It's so fun we should all play this game, you know, that game.
I pray to god I don't become like this when I turn 56.
I was feeling bored on this lonely Sunday night, trying to find productive things to do to pass the time away. What better than to be the kaypoh Singaporean that I am, and read the posts of other bloggers to keep myself entertained? So I typed in the address of one of the most controversial blogs I knew, www.sarongpartygirl.blogspot.com, to keep myself updated on the life of a girl who is totally unprohibited about talking about her sex life and her encounters with (almost only) ang mohs.
Click here, click there, wound up at another one of Singapore's most controversial writers I know of, my all time fav, Mr Brown. Laughed my ass off reading his articles and wound up clicking on a few other blogs he put up.
After much reading, I realized how much these people type in ways such that perhaps only us Singaporeans would understand. Yes, the infamous language of Singlish. Their articles were completely hilarious & perfectly described, I was surprised how humourous i found it despite the awful hokkien vulgarities. It dawned upon me as to how many of us try our very best to type and write in perfect English, never giving a hint of the Singaporean in us. Even in the way we speak, many are guilty (myself included) of trying to sound a little more American, or like the pompous arses of a British, you name it, we've tried it.
But seriously, internationally, many can imitate various accents from different countries, but tell me, how many ang mos do you know that can actually speak Singlish so fluently? Even their la's are off key. Try asking one to put a la, lor, hor and lei in one sentence and they will fail miserably. Us Singaporeans? Do it as easliy as it is to pee. To that I would say, "Power la!" And in how many languages can you actually change the meaning of saying something by just putting one word at the back of it? Power la, power hor, power lei, power sia. They all mean different, but somehow we all understand it perfectly. Singlish is an accent and a language that only we (and maybe M'sians) can truly comprehend. Yes, it is an accent.
Where else in the world would a person know how to structure a sentence that contains at least 4 different languages in one and still be understood? Come on man, our engrish is damn powderful okay! Especially when words like "nevermind" become "ngiaomine", and taxi drivers always like to talk to us about the garment. Understand? If you dunch know then stop reading.
Singlish may seem degrading to the engrish language, but its actually a skill quite hard to attain.
Maybe the garment should consider putting this in the school syllabus, along with lessons on how to be more kiasu, and make Singaporean kids even more typically Singaporean.
22 July 2005
Another one of those days that pass by in a haze, where you're aware of the actions you take during the day, yet it you can't feel it. You walk about like your feet are off the ground, but they feel heavy all the same and your head is light yet heavy. The room spins each time you turn your head, and it takes 10 seconds for everything to get into focus. Even then your vision tends to double.
Your stomach churns & your appetite - practically non-existent. Nothing's good on the tube, tries at finding something productive to do go uneventful. Chocolate - indulge and binge. The only food that soothes and satisfies. Each mouthful is heaven till you come to the last bite, you worry the end will bring you straight to hell.
Seconds slowly tick away and turn into hours. Open your eyes and the sun is gone. Was it even there in the first place? Make your way to bed and glance at the clock - its only 6 in the evening. Where has time gone and where is it leading me to?
It isn't the doing of drugs, it isn't the doing of alcohol, its just one of those days.
21 July 2005
move on toward the end of the light
its a wild ghost chase.
turn around, see the haunting shadows,
run forward in haste.
endless hunt for the rainbow's end,
the myth of leprochauns & gold.
follow the mystical path that leads you there,
the wait for the future to unfold.
stand up, look out beyond the distant skies,
there is heaven beyond.
reach out, seek hard within your heart,
stumble and fall, come crumbling back down.
yearn to touch but a fading image,
a mirage is all it is.
gasp for air amidst the pain,
life as such will never cease.
There comes a time where you suddenly realize it's all been nothing but a big mistake, and you've been going about doing everything all wrong. Harsh reality seeps in slowly but surely as time passes & pounces on you when you least expect it. The struggle - near fatal, leaves you gasping for air your lungs won't inhale. For a moment, your mind is in a daze, your vision covered with smog & your memory fails you. Questions rummage through your mind, "Who am I? Where am I? What am I doing here?" The answers start to fall in like soldiers called to attention, and all at once you wish you never woke up & stepped into a nightmare; the real one.
A single droplet of sweat trickles down the furrow of your forehead. Your arm feels as heavy as steel as you forlornly try to wipe the sweat away. You can but sit in the worn-out spot helplessly, the eyes of the walls practically digging into your very flesh. Screams and shouts go unheard as the echoes bounce of the walls.
There are no answers, there is no help. The only path to take is the very one lying in front of you. So you heave a big sigh and continue down the path of wrongness as you drag your heavy feet one in front of the other. The path is long and winding, there is no light at the end. Alone, despondent, sane.
20 July 2005
Fill in the blanks 18 July 2005
This is Chantrea (shawn-trey-er) Rose Marston, the newest member of my family, and the sweetest lil bundle of joy we've ever come upon. Born on the 15th of July, weighing 8 pounds 3 ounces. 4D anyone?
She's been quite an angel, and a fit one at it. Turning, moving and kicking a whole lot for a new born. Its fascinating just watching her sleep. She took a little peep out into the world yesterday, looked at me with wondering eyes.
British, Scottish, Thai, Chinese & Australian all in one. She's gonna grow into such a sweetheart. Everyone's in love with her, grandpas and grandmas cooing at her, fussing about. She's gonna be soooo pampered. By Auntie Cherie and Uncle Scott too. -grinz-
