the dramatics of mankind

It's interesting observing people, strangers and friends alike. Sit at a cafe and watch the world go by, you'll find people are all the same. Caught up in their own little cocoon of their world, too oblivious to notice others around. People chatting on mobiles and sending endless text messages, some walking with their eyes magnetised to the ground and their head held low, others walking with their noses in the air with the "king of the world" aura. Then there are some who don't want to look stupid, and they swoosh out their mobiles to look cool when they're actually really just playing games on it.

Many fail to realise that no matter what the situation, there are bigger problems in the world than your own. Broke a heel? Someone else might be plain broke. Mom getting on your nerves? Someone might not have a mom. Can't pay your handphone bills? Someone might not even be able to afford even having a bill. You get the drift.

At that moment in time, our problems are always the biggest and the worst. We don't see the big picture, we only see what's in front of us. And what's in front of us is always some form of a walking time-bomb and the only way to deal with it is to panic. It's incredible the kind of drama people make for themselves, and claim they don't want the drama. It's absolutely ridiculous. A girl walks into a pub, a guy says "how are you?" and she'll think he's hitting on her. A kind stranger on the street smiles in acknowledgement and he is deemed a creep. A question is not merely a question unless there is hidden meaning to it.

I admit, words can be played around with to create certain meanings, and many of us do that. But how many of us have stopped to think that things can be as simple as they seem? Humans think too much into situations and events, and everything has to have a certain meaning to it. Even writing this post, someone may actually think I'm talking about them when really I'm just stating general observations.

There is a certain image we all want to keep to, an impression we want to imprint onto those around us. I'm cool, I'm hot, I'm a poor soul, I'm too good for you, I'm always cheerful....the list goes on. We always want someone to think of us in a certain way. It sickens me that people can't just be who they are and seriously not give a shit. Meaning has to be derived, no matter how ridiculous the situation. What's more, it has to be the stereotypical derivation. The homeless are dirty and lazy drunks or junkies. A person who asks you for a dollar wants to buy drugs. A man who smiles at you for longer than 3 seconds wants to see what's under your panties.

Ah, the dramatics of mankind.

Into the Abyss of Eternal Sentiment

I am the reincarnation of an exonerated being,
Placed into an amicable environtment.
It is placid and blissful and fit for a queen,
The divine surrounding won't let me lament.

I am the reincarnation of a mundane phantom,
Marooned into an impertrubable and apathetic sphere.
It is a disenchanting and mellow canton,
The serene predicament leads me to fear.

I am the reincarnation of a shrivelled imbecile,
Led astray into an irrevocable mystery.
It is cold and lonely on this deprivation hill,
The artic surroundings won't set me free.

I am the reincarnation of a godforsaken defect,
Discarded into the depths of an abyss of inferno.
It is blistering and yet sublime in effect,
The torrid surroundings won't let me go.

scrambling

Where's the bottle of Xenax, or Prozac, or Valium, or even where's the weed? Anything at all, one of those you can consume to numb yourself almost immediately. A few hours is more than enough, and then the cycle starts again. When that runs out and no longer remains an option, maybe we could start looking for a blade or a wall too much? Oh wait, don't forget a good ol' bottle of whiskey or vodka. Something solid at least. Anything, anything at all that will take away the pain or overpower it. But no, no swallowing of a bottle of pills. I hate taking pills, plus the thought of getting my stomach pumped isn't too attractive.

Oh I've sidetracked from what I was originally going to say. Yes, one of those moments, I'm sure we've all had one of those at least twice in our lives. Where anything but what we're going through at that point in time seems so much better, even if it means more pain. I sound insane I know, but please, just let me continue my little rant here, I promise it won't be boring.

Perhaps different people have various ways of dealing with life's mundane and oh-so-horrible problems. I know a lot of my girlfriends turn to food - especially chocolate. I, unlike many girls out there, stop eating almost completely. I drink the occasional glass of water, cuppa coffee, munch a little on this, munch a little on that, and that's my meals for the day. There would be no way in hell I could keep anything inside me. Why not force myself? Because my stomach will be very unhappy and force everything out. And I don't like the sick feeling of needing to puke. I'm not a puker.

Some people turn to their friends and wail their bloody eyes out. I say, what is the bloody point? They're either gonna tell you what you already know, or what you don't want to know. Some of them might not even say anything because they don't know how to deal with a crying person! Of course there are those who are wallowing so much in their pain they don't even notice what the other is saying, or not saying. Who do you know who to turn to for which problems anyway? Do you go to the one who is most likely to tell you things you want to hear? Or do you go to the one who just sits and nods? Either way, they're not options for me.

But then again, it makes me feel like I have no friends.

Bah, I'm just rambling now. What is my point to all this? My point is, there is no point when it comes to someone who's of unstable state of mind and who has a blog of which she is clueless on who the readers are so she continues in her sentences trying to figure out where to put the fullstop. There. There again. And again.

So here it is. I am at the end of this rambling session for now, well this entry at least. Who knows I might just post another one in the next 5 mins or 5 hours.

ok bye.

What do you do?

What do you do when you see your life falling apart, right in front of your very eyes? You see the things you grew up believing in just shatter into a million pieces. What you once were taught by the people you trusted and love suddenly seem so irrelevant and pointless. Love, trust, honesty, integrity, desire, passion, happiness, forgiveness, willingness, peace....the list goes on. The dreams you once had through the mindless fantasies of "and they lived happily ever after" just evaporate into thin air.

What do you do when the thought of something perfect becomes the most imperfect thing you ever witnessed? Your innocence snatched from you and crushed within seconds. The mind is boggled and thrown into utter confusion with no solution provided for, for the rest of your life. The heart struggles to remain strong although it bleeds in desperation. Everyone else turns to you for the strength you don't have but are forced to provide.

Life becomes nothing but a mere struggle as you pass through each day, trying hard not to remember the bad, and focus on the good. Shit hits the fan and its a big mess. What do you do? Fate serves it to you on a silver platter and its all you got. What do you do? Your heart bleeds incessantly but no one notices. What do you do?

Tell me, what do you do?