if you could only see

Standing alone, in this surreal world of pain & emptiness,
My mind is perforated into fragmented series.
Inevitably absorbed in assiduous thoughts,
Forced into vehement intensity of emotions.
Balled and chained to a single spot,
I wear the ground thin as time moves on.
The tears refuse to fall as it lies on the edge,
I alone am weighed down by emotional baggage,
Bearing the heftiness refused by others,
Whilst carrying the massive weight of my own heart.
My heart beats weakly but refuses to die,
In its frail and tender state it continues to live on,
Despite my urgent pleas for it to stop.
My life goes on in this desolate land,
With neither will nor way.
The pain it counters all else,
My life as I would call it, is despondent.

you're disgusting

Christmas has passed...and the new year is soon to arrive. It's always at this time of the year that everything seems to move way too quickly. In a blink of an eye, you're one year older and each step you take seems to bear heavier responsibilities. But that's life, hey? Each new year's eve we're told to embrace the new one, and let go of whatever happened in the past year. If only life could be that simple.

Sometimes there is just no meaning to life. We live only because we have to, and killing yourself is mostly too hard. So because we don't have much of a choice, we try to make life best as we can. Y'know the whole shananigan...get an education, get a job, find someone to love and vice versa, get married, have a kid/s, bring them up, educate them, then they go through that same vicious cycle.

What is the point, really? We do all that because we are a being on this earth, the smartest at that. Sometimes I really think we are the dumbest. Look at a dog for example. They're so content having the mere company of their owner, or having another dog to play with. They're pleased so long as they can lie at your feet. As humans we just always look for that bit more. How many people can actually tell me they can sit with another for hours in silence without feeling bored to tears?

Life is meaningless unless we put meaning into it. But with trying to inject so much meaning, we seem to lose our way and lose sight of what really is important. Tell me then, what is important in life? What exactly are we all living for?

trying to find that part of me

Has anyone ever tasted how sweet revenge is? I sit here and wonder how beautiful it would be to have a sample of that taste and whether it is all worth it. For those of you who've never had revenge, hasn't there been a situation in your life where you think "Now's the time"? I could think of so many ways I could use certain information and knowledge have and manipulate it in a way I can achieve great, sweet, sweet revenge.

You know, you read these stories in magazines about the different ways people took revenge on someone, be it an ex-boyfriend, or ex-bestfriend. I read these stories and I laugh, thinking about the reactions of those who deserve what they got. It must be either very humiliating, or entirely outrageous. But the point is, to the rest of us, it's just down right hilarious. I wanna be one of those girls who tell their stories of revenge. Just once is all I ask.

I'm so sick and fucking tired of sitting around keeping my mouth shut because it's the right thing to do. Aren't we all allowed to be unreasonable and irrational every now and then? Sometimes I wish I didn't know what the right thing to do was. That I could act before thinking and maybe, just maybe I could feel a little better.

I'm furious to the point where I'm numb. And numb is the only way to feel in order to do the right thing. How stupid. How ironic. I mean, it isn't even right for people to be treated the way they are. All those stupid idiotic lies, the hidden trail of secrecy that could lead to humiliation. I want revenge, just to make myself feel better.

It's not fair that these people can just move on with their moronic lives as though they'd never done anything wrong before. That they simply go on deceiving others and will always be believed. While we, the fools, struggle to cope with whatever happened. I've had enough with people getting away with their miserable lies. The deception has to stop at some point, right? Why can't I be the one to make that happen?

It's no wonder people commit suicide due to relationship troubles. It's asses like YOU that make a person cynical, sceptical, suspicious of everyone and everything, and distrustful. It's f*ckers like YOU that make this world a worse place to live in, and permanently damage a person.

Yeah, YOU know it's YOU i'm talking about. I hope you suffer for the rest of your life, never finding success, happiness and love. You are worse than you think what you're not.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Can I let all hell loose now?