I don't know how come. I'm in the oddest mood. What's new right? Its a mix of feeling happy and sad at the same time, and the combination is just overwhelming. Takes the air outta me, and all I wanna do is sit and stare at "it" and read it over and over again. I don't know why i get like this every time, maybe I should have just settled with good enough. Can't a girl want more than she can get?

I won't reveal what "it" is, its just eating me from the inside. Even as I sit here the words fail to come from my mind to my hands. I wanna scream out loud and get it out of my system, but at the same time all I'm presented with is silence. I wish, I wish, I wish...don't we all.

My friends would say I should just kick myself in the butt and get over it. Believe me I've tried, now i've proven how miserably i've failed. Dammit, I sound like i'm getting all depressive again just like my entries in my last blog. I swore that when I started this new one I'd stop all that. Guess some things never do change, no matter how hard you try. Maybe its the way my blog name links to it that sorta connects it for an indefinite period of time. I apologize, I've been talking to myself.

Have you ever thought about something so much it makes you numb, tears and laughter are the furthest things away from you even though its there right at the very tip? I wanna laugh cuz its so cynically ironic and stupid, I wanna cry cuz the very thought of it pains me.

"Things always happen for a reason."

Fuck that. Pfft. Who gives a shit about reason anymore.