if you could only see

Standing alone, in this surreal world of pain & emptiness,
My mind is perforated into fragmented series.
Inevitably absorbed in assiduous thoughts,
Forced into vehement intensity of emotions.
Balled and chained to a single spot,
I wear the ground thin as time moves on.
The tears refuse to fall as it lies on the edge,
I alone am weighed down by emotional baggage,
Bearing the heftiness refused by others,
Whilst carrying the massive weight of my own heart.
My heart beats weakly but refuses to die,
In its frail and tender state it continues to live on,
Despite my urgent pleas for it to stop.
My life goes on in this desolate land,
With neither will nor way.
The pain it counters all else,
My life as I would call it, is despondent.

you're disgusting

Christmas has passed...and the new year is soon to arrive. It's always at this time of the year that everything seems to move way too quickly. In a blink of an eye, you're one year older and each step you take seems to bear heavier responsibilities. But that's life, hey? Each new year's eve we're told to embrace the new one, and let go of whatever happened in the past year. If only life could be that simple.

Sometimes there is just no meaning to life. We live only because we have to, and killing yourself is mostly too hard. So because we don't have much of a choice, we try to make life best as we can. Y'know the whole shananigan...get an education, get a job, find someone to love and vice versa, get married, have a kid/s, bring them up, educate them, then they go through that same vicious cycle.

What is the point, really? We do all that because we are a being on this earth, the smartest at that. Sometimes I really think we are the dumbest. Look at a dog for example. They're so content having the mere company of their owner, or having another dog to play with. They're pleased so long as they can lie at your feet. As humans we just always look for that bit more. How many people can actually tell me they can sit with another for hours in silence without feeling bored to tears?

Life is meaningless unless we put meaning into it. But with trying to inject so much meaning, we seem to lose our way and lose sight of what really is important. Tell me then, what is important in life? What exactly are we all living for?

trying to find that part of me

Has anyone ever tasted how sweet revenge is? I sit here and wonder how beautiful it would be to have a sample of that taste and whether it is all worth it. For those of you who've never had revenge, hasn't there been a situation in your life where you think "Now's the time"? I could think of so many ways I could use certain information and knowledge have and manipulate it in a way I can achieve great, sweet, sweet revenge.

You know, you read these stories in magazines about the different ways people took revenge on someone, be it an ex-boyfriend, or ex-bestfriend. I read these stories and I laugh, thinking about the reactions of those who deserve what they got. It must be either very humiliating, or entirely outrageous. But the point is, to the rest of us, it's just down right hilarious. I wanna be one of those girls who tell their stories of revenge. Just once is all I ask.

I'm so sick and fucking tired of sitting around keeping my mouth shut because it's the right thing to do. Aren't we all allowed to be unreasonable and irrational every now and then? Sometimes I wish I didn't know what the right thing to do was. That I could act before thinking and maybe, just maybe I could feel a little better.

I'm furious to the point where I'm numb. And numb is the only way to feel in order to do the right thing. How stupid. How ironic. I mean, it isn't even right for people to be treated the way they are. All those stupid idiotic lies, the hidden trail of secrecy that could lead to humiliation. I want revenge, just to make myself feel better.

It's not fair that these people can just move on with their moronic lives as though they'd never done anything wrong before. That they simply go on deceiving others and will always be believed. While we, the fools, struggle to cope with whatever happened. I've had enough with people getting away with their miserable lies. The deception has to stop at some point, right? Why can't I be the one to make that happen?

It's no wonder people commit suicide due to relationship troubles. It's asses like YOU that make a person cynical, sceptical, suspicious of everyone and everything, and distrustful. It's f*ckers like YOU that make this world a worse place to live in, and permanently damage a person.

Yeah, YOU know it's YOU i'm talking about. I hope you suffer for the rest of your life, never finding success, happiness and love. You are worse than you think what you're not.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Can I let all hell loose now?

love only like lovers can

How many times do you watch a movie, only to come out feeling disappointed and empty? These movie makers create such alluring and fantastic trailers that attract you immediately, only for the entire movie to be a whole lot worse than you expected. And then there are the trailers that are basically the whole movie, and all the good parts have already been shown. It's like looking forward to desert after a good meal, only for it to be all sold out. I hate that empty feeling when I leave the cinema, makes me feel cheated.

Recently went to watch Gabriel. Looked like a pretty interesting movie with a great plot. I mean, it's about Angels who fight with deadly weapons and know martial arts (sorta). That in itself is interesting cuz Angels are all about peace and love and all that jazz. There was no plot whatsoever. So many things about it just didn't make any sense at all. Being a film student, I get that not all movies are supposed to make sense. But there has to be a good build up that leads to something, right?

I will admit the visuals in that movie were pretty damn good. It's not easy to film so many things with minimal light, that's of course, unless most of it is computer graphics, as most film makers like to use nowadays. Another thing that disappoints me. I'm a traditional film girl. I love using film as compared to digital, there's such a world of a difference in the quality of the production. I guess we gotta keep up with the times, eh?

That's life though innit? You go through something believing in its entirety, led on through such a fantastic plot, only for it to completely fizzle out to a complete nothing at the end. Girls mostly, want this fairytale life for themselves. You know, the whole Prince Charming she-bang type thing. I'll fill you in on a little secret girls, it's total BS. I'm sure you all know that already, just had to state it for the purpose of.

Perhaps I've got it wrong, life is a movie. I for one, always say my life is one of the most dramatic soap operas you can possibly come across. The Days of Our Lives, The Bold and Beautiful, General Hospital...all that put together could be my life. It adds that bit of spice to life I suppose, but after a while it gets extremely tiresome. I would have to say the one thing I'm absolutely sick of is being lied to. Time and time again, there's an outpour of lies and I never find out the truth till it's too late. Even when I do discover a lie, somehow I manage to forgo it all and forgive the person. What an idiot, I know. I'm a fool whose trust is always being taken advantage of.

I don't understand it, even when you give someone an ultimatum to tell the truth, they still lie! Why?? Do so many people have the traits of a compulsive liar? I swear it's a mental disease. The extents of these lies are out of this world. Of course, they range from white lies to lies that could totally change your life. How can anyone be with a person, knowing all they've basically done is lie? It's like your entire being is a lie. Ridiculous. Preposterous. These people should just gather together, and have a mass suicide. Or lie to each other till they kill themselves.

Some rather common lies are normally about ex-girlfriends/boyfriends, monetary issues, girls/guys they have a crush on i.e. the people they claim to not flirt with, health, physical proximity with someone of the other gender, otherwise known as cheating to some, photos they shouldn't have......oh the list just goes on and on. Maybe that's just my list. If I were to list everything, this post would never end. Haha. And I'm only 23. Whoopee. If i were a hit(wo)man, a lot of people would be dead by now.

There are so many ways I could think of to get revenge. They say revenge is sweet, yet I've never had a taste. There are so many things I could do to ruin the lives of people who ruined mine, but I guess there would be no point. What goes around comes around, right? Why is it that it only comes to me and never goes? Does that even make sense?

I wish all you cheaters, liars, and little fuckers would just do the world a favour and rid yourselves from socialising with the rest of us.

demented sinner, that's you

Say goodnight and go.

Skipping beats, blushing cheeks I am struggling
Daydreaming, bed scenes in the corner café
And then i'm left in bits recovering tectonic tremblings
You get me every time

Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

Follow you home, you've got your headphones on and you're dancing
Got lucky, beautiful shot you taking everything off watch the curtains wide open
Then you fall in the same routine flicking through the TV relaxed and reclining
And you think you're alone...

Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go

One of these days, you'll miss your train and come stay with me
We'll have drinks and talk about things, any excuse to stay awake with you
You'll sleep here, i'll sleep there, but then the heating may be down again
at my convenience
we'd be good, we'd be great together.

Say goodnight and go,
why's it always always
goodnight and go
Darling not again
Goodnight and go

I think You should know

Tell me what's your purpose, tell me what's your plans?
I've come along this far now, having left it in your hands.
I'm sure you've thought about it, you've got it figured out,
Is there someway you could show me, what it's all about?

People say have faith and hope, believe in all you can,
But what's a girl to do when her life is just a sham?
I turn to you for answers, there's something I need to know,
You remain so tight-lipped, the signs will never show.

what's under my bed.

Squeal in delight or squeal in pain,
Hold your breath and you might faint.
Slash me once then stitch me up,
Look me in the eyes and tell me what.

Feign this life and fake it out.
Just keep moving, it's the only route.
Sickened to the bone, I wanna hurl,
Lying alone in a desolate curl.

Imagine a ghastly beast trapped in a cage,
There's only one emotion and that's rage.
Do a double take and look hard again,
The raw truth will drive you insane.

Live in the pretense of false truth,
Warp young minds, fib like a sleuth.
Walk down the path of shame and guilt,
Then crash and burn into all you've built.

Cultivating deceit is what you do best,
All done with such gusto and zest.
You fooled me once, you fooled me twice,
No amounts of sorries will suffice.