the dramatics of mankind

It's interesting observing people, strangers and friends alike. Sit at a cafe and watch the world go by, you'll find people are all the same. Caught up in their own little cocoon of their world, too oblivious to notice others around. People chatting on mobiles and sending endless text messages, some walking with their eyes magnetised to the ground and their head held low, others walking with their noses in the air with the "king of the world" aura. Then there are some who don't want to look stupid, and they swoosh out their mobiles to look cool when they're actually really just playing games on it.

Many fail to realise that no matter what the situation, there are bigger problems in the world than your own. Broke a heel? Someone else might be plain broke. Mom getting on your nerves? Someone might not have a mom. Can't pay your handphone bills? Someone might not even be able to afford even having a bill. You get the drift.

At that moment in time, our problems are always the biggest and the worst. We don't see the big picture, we only see what's in front of us. And what's in front of us is always some form of a walking time-bomb and the only way to deal with it is to panic. It's incredible the kind of drama people make for themselves, and claim they don't want the drama. It's absolutely ridiculous. A girl walks into a pub, a guy says "how are you?" and she'll think he's hitting on her. A kind stranger on the street smiles in acknowledgement and he is deemed a creep. A question is not merely a question unless there is hidden meaning to it.

I admit, words can be played around with to create certain meanings, and many of us do that. But how many of us have stopped to think that things can be as simple as they seem? Humans think too much into situations and events, and everything has to have a certain meaning to it. Even writing this post, someone may actually think I'm talking about them when really I'm just stating general observations.

There is a certain image we all want to keep to, an impression we want to imprint onto those around us. I'm cool, I'm hot, I'm a poor soul, I'm too good for you, I'm always cheerful....the list goes on. We always want someone to think of us in a certain way. It sickens me that people can't just be who they are and seriously not give a shit. Meaning has to be derived, no matter how ridiculous the situation. What's more, it has to be the stereotypical derivation. The homeless are dirty and lazy drunks or junkies. A person who asks you for a dollar wants to buy drugs. A man who smiles at you for longer than 3 seconds wants to see what's under your panties.

Ah, the dramatics of mankind.

Into the Abyss of Eternal Sentiment

I am the reincarnation of an exonerated being,
Placed into an amicable environtment.
It is placid and blissful and fit for a queen,
The divine surrounding won't let me lament.

I am the reincarnation of a mundane phantom,
Marooned into an impertrubable and apathetic sphere.
It is a disenchanting and mellow canton,
The serene predicament leads me to fear.

I am the reincarnation of a shrivelled imbecile,
Led astray into an irrevocable mystery.
It is cold and lonely on this deprivation hill,
The artic surroundings won't set me free.

I am the reincarnation of a godforsaken defect,
Discarded into the depths of an abyss of inferno.
It is blistering and yet sublime in effect,
The torrid surroundings won't let me go.

scrambling

Where's the bottle of Xenax, or Prozac, or Valium, or even where's the weed? Anything at all, one of those you can consume to numb yourself almost immediately. A few hours is more than enough, and then the cycle starts again. When that runs out and no longer remains an option, maybe we could start looking for a blade or a wall too much? Oh wait, don't forget a good ol' bottle of whiskey or vodka. Something solid at least. Anything, anything at all that will take away the pain or overpower it. But no, no swallowing of a bottle of pills. I hate taking pills, plus the thought of getting my stomach pumped isn't too attractive.

Oh I've sidetracked from what I was originally going to say. Yes, one of those moments, I'm sure we've all had one of those at least twice in our lives. Where anything but what we're going through at that point in time seems so much better, even if it means more pain. I sound insane I know, but please, just let me continue my little rant here, I promise it won't be boring.

Perhaps different people have various ways of dealing with life's mundane and oh-so-horrible problems. I know a lot of my girlfriends turn to food - especially chocolate. I, unlike many girls out there, stop eating almost completely. I drink the occasional glass of water, cuppa coffee, munch a little on this, munch a little on that, and that's my meals for the day. There would be no way in hell I could keep anything inside me. Why not force myself? Because my stomach will be very unhappy and force everything out. And I don't like the sick feeling of needing to puke. I'm not a puker.

Some people turn to their friends and wail their bloody eyes out. I say, what is the bloody point? They're either gonna tell you what you already know, or what you don't want to know. Some of them might not even say anything because they don't know how to deal with a crying person! Of course there are those who are wallowing so much in their pain they don't even notice what the other is saying, or not saying. Who do you know who to turn to for which problems anyway? Do you go to the one who is most likely to tell you things you want to hear? Or do you go to the one who just sits and nods? Either way, they're not options for me.

But then again, it makes me feel like I have no friends.

Bah, I'm just rambling now. What is my point to all this? My point is, there is no point when it comes to someone who's of unstable state of mind and who has a blog of which she is clueless on who the readers are so she continues in her sentences trying to figure out where to put the fullstop. There. There again. And again.

So here it is. I am at the end of this rambling session for now, well this entry at least. Who knows I might just post another one in the next 5 mins or 5 hours.

ok bye.

What do you do?

What do you do when you see your life falling apart, right in front of your very eyes? You see the things you grew up believing in just shatter into a million pieces. What you once were taught by the people you trusted and love suddenly seem so irrelevant and pointless. Love, trust, honesty, integrity, desire, passion, happiness, forgiveness, willingness, peace....the list goes on. The dreams you once had through the mindless fantasies of "and they lived happily ever after" just evaporate into thin air.

What do you do when the thought of something perfect becomes the most imperfect thing you ever witnessed? Your innocence snatched from you and crushed within seconds. The mind is boggled and thrown into utter confusion with no solution provided for, for the rest of your life. The heart struggles to remain strong although it bleeds in desperation. Everyone else turns to you for the strength you don't have but are forced to provide.

Life becomes nothing but a mere struggle as you pass through each day, trying hard not to remember the bad, and focus on the good. Shit hits the fan and its a big mess. What do you do? Fate serves it to you on a silver platter and its all you got. What do you do? Your heart bleeds incessantly but no one notices. What do you do?

Tell me, what do you do?

let's all live in a fantasy life

Remember what it was like when you were a kid, and we'd have imaginary friends who always had a seat beside you at the dinner table, and be your playtime partner when everyone else was either too busy or sleeping? Or playing make-believe and giving yourself pseudo names and gorgeous boyfriends who were just too cool?

Maybe all this sounds a little girly for guys who are too busy playing it tough with their transformers figurines (yes, not dolls!) and remote-controlled cars. But I remember all that so clearly, it was almost like we were living this life we wished to have when "we grew up". Like we were ever going to meet those perfect guys we had imagined up for ourselves. And then life happened. We did grow up, but not according to the imaginary world we concocted. We meet the bitches and bastards that surround us, especially in high school. And then life happens even more. What we knew as imagination just completely goes out the window and we're forced to deal with reality, straight smack in the face.

Have you ever read a good book with fabulous characters that as you read, you feel like you're absorbed into an entirely different universe? And there's always that one character you relate so well to you wish your life were like that. Sometimes for me, I feel so sad to finish a book because it means that somewhat parallel universe I immersed myself into, is gone.

Reading a book is like escaping reality to me. You forget all the shit in life, and you take on the character you like most in the book, and feel every emotion throughout. Most times there's always a happy ending. I guess that's why I hate, HATE romance novels. The immense passion, love and extreme emotions are too hard to handle. And almost every character is described to be drop dead gorgeous. Get real.

I wish a parallel universe did exist. I wished life's plans always went accordingly. But no. Reality sucks sometimes.

Punk Pony Did It!!

*Note to self: Blog more frequently so people won't bug your ass for not updating.

Howdy people. I've been super jet-lagged since I left Europe and it's been a bloody pain in the arse. 12 hours on the plane from Paris to Singapore and I had to force myself not too sleep too much. Watched 3 movies before I finally tried to doze off. The seats are super comfortable, when you press the button to push the back of the chair back, the seat moves too! I know i sound sua ku but its still cool! ok? I'm guessing I barely got in 5 hours of sleep.

Stupid me, knowing I had only a night and half a day in Singapore before I left for Perth, I'd have to meet up with friends and eat all the wonderful food in the world, and still manage to survive. Needless to say I was about to die. Didn't get home till like 7am despite landing at about 5.30pm. Woo hoo. Now here I am at 3am still typing away on this stupid technology. Its entrancing...I can't get away from it. Pfft.

Everyone asks me the same question now, "How was your trip to Europe?". I'm not quite sure how to answer it. I mean, I did spend a month in Europe so do they expect me to go into lengthy detail, or simply say it was awesome. But then again, what else can it be other than awesome right? So to cut it short - I loved every minute of it. I got to see my friends' homes, especially Malou!

Which by the way, brings me to this point - Singapore is full of signs telling you what to do and what not to do. We all know it. No food/drinks. No durians. No Flammables. No Smoking. Followed by a FINE:$500. I saw this sign at the Singapore Airport. I cracked up. I'm used to the signs, but this is pushing it too far. What are people gonna do? "Ooh cactus! Thorns! I wonder what it feels li.....OUCH!"

My friends then say to me, maybe its for kids. Seriously? "Mommy look! Cactus! Can I touch?" How will Singaporeans live without signs? They'd probably just stand around not knowing what to do, waiting for some govermental official to give directions. "Now put your left foot forward, then your right, then your left......that's right, keep doing that and you'll walk!"

Before we went snowboarding, Marita was digging out clothes for us to wear. Thomas had a sailing one piece jumper which was hilarious on its own. Then the only gloves available for him were these boxing gloves like mitts. Somehow Marita had also dug out this wig she had. So this is Thomas's new look. hehe. I had a tummy ache from laughing.

Marita and Mette somehow came up with this tradition that everyone who visited Bergen had to sit on the reindeer. People stared at me like I was this crazy asian tourist. As if i don't have that sterotype already printed on my forehead in a completely white and blonde country.

My girl Malou. Haven't seen her in a year and a half. Its been way too long. We spent everyday reminiscing and enjoying every moment together. It was nice to have alone time with her and not actually feel weird about it. If you read this malou, thanks for letting us stay at your place and introducing me to all your wonderful friends. I miss you so much. Come back to Perth.

And that goes for the rest of you who left. *scornful stare* I'm still waiting.

i dedicate this post to zhen

So some people have been complaining that I haven't been blogging at all, and I do realise my last blog entry was quite a long time ago. So here I am, in Norway on a cold, rainy Sunday, writing an entry. Yes my dear, this is dedicated to you. I'm currently in Bergen, Norway. Staying at Marita's house and it's absolutely fantastic. I love it so much here, I know I sound a little sua ku when I say this, but everyone here lives on a mountain/hill! Its such a beautiful place despite what everyone says about the weather. Everyone we've met, especially Marita's family has been so hospitable to us. Nice.

Thomas flew to Bergen in time for Marita's birthday. It was so nice to see that German again. Good times bro!

We've done heaps of stuff so far, went snowboarding(!), went fishing on a boat, went partaying!

So here are some photos.

In this photo: Morten (Mette's bro), Miken, Marita, Me, Jachin and Mette.

Thomas trying to make a move on horrified Marita. Haha. Just playing.

Bjørn being his usual self. I dunno why he likes to pose like that when he's drunk.

This is Bjørn when he is sober. Big difference. I think this is like the only photo I have of him when he's sober. Interesting. I'm sorry, was too lazy to rotate the photo. Rotate your head instead ok?

Here's our dear Thomas. He's cracked us all up since he's been here. Miss him so much, funny Mr Bean.

And this, is a photo from Jøndal, where we went snowboarding. Stayed with Marita's aunt, Nina, who was soooo funny. This is the view from her veranda, at midnight. Yes midnight. So beautiful man. First time I saw a clear sky in Norway at night. haha.

And this is me with Marita's snowboard, the one I used, snowboarded on and fell with. Please rotate your head again. thankew.

We were so lucky that the sky cleared up in Jøndal at around 4.30pm, we sat outside playing idiot and basking in the sun. Simply beautiful. Don't mind thomas, its his look when the photographer says 'say cheese'. He says cheese and forgets to open his eyes.

Ok that's all for now. Getting so lazy uploading photos. More when i get back to Perth!